New Law Will Force Britons To Wear Tinfoil Hats Outdoors To Combat Global Warming.
The UK government has announced plans to mandate the wearing of tinfoil hats outdoors in an attempt to combat climate change. This decision comes after a recent scientific study conducted by the Climate Institute (CI), revealed that if every individual in the UK, wore a tinfoil hat outdoors, the reflection of sunlight, away from the earth would significantly reduce the earth's temperature, thereby reversing climate change. The project will cost somewhere in the region of £2 billion pounds.
A 43-year-old unemployed man from Cornwall, named Steve Heller, has already started wearing a tinfoil hat and believes that everyone should do the same. He said, "I wear my hat all the time. It's like masks. If you were seen wearing a mask, people would say you were stupid. Then a few months later, everyone was wearing masks. I think that if we all wore tinfoil hats for about a year, it would be enough to cool the Earth down and reverse global warming. Then we can go back to our old ways like burning car tires on the bonfire. I really miss that!"
However, the tinfoil hat trials faced a significant setback when a participant wore the hat during a thunderstorm, causing them to light up like a Chinese lantern. Despite this alarming incident, the government proceeded to pass the bill, clarifying that tinfoil hats are not required to be worn during thunderstorms as it would be cloudy.
Under the new initiative, set for 2025, the government will provide tinfoil hat kits to all UK residents and their animals. In a surprising twist, the tinfoil hat kits will also come with a device that allows users to charge their phones through the hat. The campaign will include educational DVD on the importance of wearing the hats.
Top fashion brands have jumped on board with Nike and Adidas set to release tinfoil hats featuring their iconic logos. Crocs have also unveiled a new line of tinfoil shoes to go with the headgear.
The government will deploy a dedicated team of Foil Hat Wardens across the country to ensure compliance with the new law. Those found outdoors without a tinfoil hat – humans and animals alike – will face an immediate £50 fine, with repeat offenders at risk of imprisonment.
With the countdown to 2025 underway and fashion brands joining the cause, do you think this unconventional measure is a step in the right direction to combat global warming?
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